I’m frustrated, I’m not where I want to be in my career and I’m not at the weight or more importantly body shape I want to be. Today listening to a podcast by the wonderful Jillian Michaels and she brought up a point that whatever is going wrong in your life there is a high chance that you had something to do with it. That’s right, whatever is bugging me is probably somewhat my fault. Whoa!
So let’s take a look at this further, the first step is to realize the part you played in whatever is wrong. I’ll tackle the easy one first. My weight loss.
I 100% own this problem. Yes I can blame it on the industry I work in, yes I can blame it on moving in with the boyfriend and eating what he eats. At the end of the day though no one forced me to eat that stuff, no one said to stop running like I was before, no one told me to quit going to the gym as much. It was all me, and it was all excuses I made in my head. That doesn’t mean that it is easy in all those situations and yes I should be easy on myself, but it isn’t impossible. So what is it affording me? Well pleasure, I love to try new things and I love eating great foods. It affords me the status that I’ll eat anything and everything. I can call myself a foodie because I try all these new places and eat at all these restaurants.
Ok, so now that I know the problem what am I going to do about it. Well the answer is easy, I already know what I need to do, it is the same plan that I’ve had for years that has worked. The real challenge is will I do it or will I let myself get in the way.
Second frustration, work.
I’m stuck in a rut, people are moving on from my group to better things, the boyfriend got a new job and yet I’m still in the same spot. So how is this my fault? Well it isn’t for lack of trying, I have been job searching since April but with the boyfriend uncertain on where he was actually moving I was scattered until June. The cancer hit in June so I stopped doing pretty much anything on that front until I got better. July I made moves to get a job I wanted internally and got the interview, August came around and I was told the position was on hold until further information came out. I wrote a post about that here.
So I have been trying my best to put a great face on and be a fantastic team player. I know that if I give up now I will just be remembered as the person who didn’t give their all instead of the years of work I’ve put in already. I know that people will remember my latest actions and nothing from the past. I’m angry though. I don’t want to wait and it’s not fair that everyone is moving on. The boyfriend complains about his new job but I want to scream that at least he has a new job. That isn’t fair though, he is allowed to have feelings besides pure joy about his new career. I see people in the office laughing and I get pissed, nothing is funny to me right now.
It’s nuts! So what did I do to put myself in this situation? Well I’m choosing to stay with this company right now. I’m choosing to not leave the Boston area and stay with my boyfriend even though we aren’t engaged or married. I’m choosing to be patient and wait it out for awhile. So yes, it is my fault that I’m feeling this way. I didn’t create the circumstance but I am enabling it and not doing anything about it. The deadline is set for October 31, if nothing career wise has changed by then I’m looking for something new outside the company. Let’s hope I don’t have to look for something outside the state because that would be a whole new problem!
What are you enabling in your frustrations?