Sunday I had a walk planned for with WHO and baby Quin. Seeing that amazing little baby made me feel better and just gave me peace. We started our walk and I told her the news a few blocks in. She was sympathetic but not to the point that would make me uncomfortable. I then was able to give her some good news which she was thrilled about, almost to the point where she woke little Quin on the walk. We then talked about other things and she asked why I had been keeping it from her. The first reason was the good news happened so close to the bad one so I totally forgot about it. The second was I didn’t want to burden her with my problems, not to sound trite but I am finding that the hardest part of telling people is making sure that they are ok after I tell them. It’s exhausting. So I waited until I saw her on Sunday (or I was going to call her a day or two before if I didn’t see her) to let her know. She could see that I was ok and that I was going to be ok.
I explained my fears and then my vanity issues. She didn’t poke fun and she didn’t tell me I was being silly. She understood. She has been the first person to ask the specifics on the diagnosis though, so I explained it was stage 3 and it was melanoma. Saying stage 3 is just awful, it is such a vile term and makes it seem so much worse. Is it worse? I don’t know, but I’m hoping it doesn’t mean anything.
Leaving her apartment she told me she loved me and to let her know how things are and if I need anything. I should have said copious photos of that little baby because that is the first thing in a week that has just soothed my soul in a way nothing else has. Instead I said nothing because that has been my go to response.
List of things I need right now in no particular order:
- For Friday to be over
- To lose about 20 pounds (hey it’s my list I didn’t say it had to be to deal with cancer)
- A clean apartment
- Good book recommendations
- New shirts, I really had no t-shirts that didn’t have some sort of logo on them. I did, but the boyfriend ruined two of them already.
- My car washed, but that’s waiting until all this gross pollen is gone.
- To be done telling people
Just like I though, unless someone wants to come and clean my apartment out of me being just too lazy to do it I don’t need anything.