I knew telling my family would be hard, yet I knew I had to. My mom just knew something was going on and my dad had even called twice. So on Friday I called them after work. To say I was nervous would be a severe understatement. I pooped three times that day just out of my stomach being in knots. I called my mama first since I knew that would be the hard one, she didn’t pick up though. I called my dad and he was on his way home. We small talked until I was sure he was out of the car and then I told him.
He took it a lot better than I was picturing. I told him the facts and I told him what was going to happen, and he like everyone else offered to be there when it happened and take me home. I appreciate everyone being so kind, but I feel like I would need to reassure them that I’m going to be fine, to make sure that they are ok. Selfishly I don’t want to do that. If I come out and I’m sad, I want the ability to be sad. I want to be able to cry out of purely vain reasons and not have to think of a more rationale story of why I’m upset.
I then got in touch with my mom and it was as hard as I pictured it. The boyfriend kept touching my foot to let me know that he was there. Her response was “let me know what you need from me” and I really appreciated it. My one request was that she stay off Google or looking things up. I told her they are the worse of the worse stories and that isn’t my story. You are reading my story now, as I type this I have no clue what the future holds but I know my story is completely different than anyone else, no matter the similarities.
The worst was getting off the phone with my mom. She was so brave up until the end when saying good bye. When I turned it off the boyfriend said “see that wasn’t so bad”. I love him but I’m getting sick of justifying things to him, no perhaps it wasn’t bad from your spot on the couch, but from my spot having to hang up on my mom while she is sobbing is painful. I know he is trying to be there and he just doesn’t understand, I’m just losing patience with a lot right now.
A phone call to my mom the next day reassured me that she was going to be ok and that I didn’t need to worry about her during this. Luckily it is less than 4 days away and hopefully this can be over.