Last night after I got home from a date night with Allie and Mia, where I was so close to telling them yet still couldn’t find the words, I think it finally hit me. The boyfriend has been playing it off like it is nothing, which I am sure is his way of dealing with it. He made the comment “they were probably wrong” and that is where I lost it. I know he was trying to be helpful but they aren’t wrong, they aren’t taking off a huge chunk of my back by mistake, this is very real. I sobbed, and I sobbed some more and when I started to do my breathing exercises to try and calm myself down I cried harder. This was really happening, in a week time I was going in for a procedure and since I got that call my life has changed.
I decided that I was going to tell my mom and dad this weekend. They know something is up, both of them have their parental instincts firing away right now as I have gotten emails and calls from both of them and I cannot ignore it anymore.
Once I finally calmed down I fell asleep where I dreamed of people telling me how tan I was. Everyone was commenting on how dark I get. I woke up and felt ashamed. That use to be my ideal. Now look at where it has got me.