Telling people is really getting easier. I told one of my coworkers who has been stalling on getting her mole removed. I told her stop messing around and just get it done. Then later on driving home I told my grandma. I explained that I didn’t want to tell my parents and I finally realized why, not only do I not want to hurt them I don’t want the burden of trying to ease people’s fears. I know they are adults and I know they can handle it, I just can’t handle them knowing right now. My nana said that was fine, that I need to do what was best for me and that everyone at the end of the day would still love me and understand that I was just doing what was best for me.
I went home and had dreams about it later that night. When I woke up I got ready for work and then called my best friend Michael to break the news to him. He picked up and when I asked what was up he said he was about to go in for an interview. So I told him that nothing was up, just wanted to say hi and to call me when the interview was over. He said fine but I could tell he knew something wasn’t the same because he asked if I was engaged or pregnant before we got off the phone.
He called back a few hours later and when I told him his response was “Jesus fucking Christ” hmmm that pretty much sums it up. He said that if for some reason the boyfriend wouldn’t be able to take me next Fridayhe was going to take me. I was then told that it wasn’t an offer it was an order. I am so lucky to be able to have friends like him. He asked me about chemo and radiation and I said “as far as I know I’m currently in remission, this is just to make sure he got it all the first time.” He was worried about how I was doing, but I realized I was more in shock than anything else. I had strict instructions that if for some reason I needed to talk no matter when I would call him. I realized I had hardly cried at all. This seems so fake.
I still haven’t told my friends yet besides Erin. All in time. I’m seeing Allie and Mia tonight, I don’t think I’ll tell them either. Just like Kelli, I just want a night where I can focus on something else.