Since I had zero clue about what was going on I called the triage nurse back to get more details, like what kind of skin cancer was it, what state was it and so on. The news was like a punch to the stomach and I almost threw up. Stage 3 MALIGNANT MELANOMA is what the nurse said. I wanted to throw up, I wanted to cry. I texted the boyfriend. The following was our conversation:
Boy what does that mean
Me reoccurrence rate is high, recovery rate is lower, stage 4 is the highest it goes
Boy right… well let’s wait for your appointment, before jumping to conclusions… i am sure the doctor is going to give you preventative instructions
Me I want to throw up and cry and throw up
Boy you will be fine – it is probably reoccurrence if you continue to not apply sunscreen and tanning follow same procedures
but wait to see what doctor says
Me now I really can’t tell my parent until it’s all over
I texted my brother to casually see if he was free next Friday or working. He was working so I just let it be, I don’t want to burden anyone. Then Kae and Shelia started to text about job searching. I wanted to text back “who the fuck cares, don’t you idiots know I have cancer” obviously I didn’t because obviously no one knows. I didn’t text back though, my friends are smart and would see through that in a second. I’m sure they just assume I’m busy. Kae and Sheils I know you are reading this now and I’m sorry, I just can’t this is too much for me to take, let alone ask someone else to take as well.
The boyfriend asked for the email, hopefully with his head a little clearer than mine he can start to make sense of shit and explain it to me.