Growing Up

Yesterday sucked, yesterday was one of those no good horrible very bad days that just make you want to go insane. I’m sure people were on edge because of all the snow and they didn’t get out of the house besides to shovel the day before or they felt like they were behind on something so everyone was snappy but honestly if I could have stood up and walked out of the office yesterday without looking back I would. It got worse when I tried to express my feelings to the boyfriend and then he snapped at me, to the point where he was telling me to go move across the  country and have fun with my life when I made no comment about wanting to move across the country just a comment that I needed to get out of my current situation. Yep one of those days. So I took my own advice when dealing with stress and texted my best friend to ask if he had a second to just talk, he being my best friend always has a second. The only way to describe how I was feeling would be to stand on a ledge and look over only to lose your balance and start swinging your arms frantically to get the balance back yet just not able to. The second I called him I felt the sharp pull of him grounding me back and pulling me away from the ledge, in less than a 30 minute call he had stopped my tears and got me laughing again.
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Did I want to go back to work, heck no. Did I want to text the boyfriend back and have a reasonable conversation with him, nope still didn’t want to hear anything else from him at that point. Did I get what I needed to carry on throughout the day, heck yes. The point of this isn’t for you guys to feel bad for me, the point is a few years ago this would have been crippling and I would have started to look for new jobs, and then perhaps a new place to live since the boyfriend and I weren’t going to make it. With age and with confidence I was able to do what I needed to get through the moment, and know that anything that needed to happen could also happen in 24 hours or 48 hours. That my friends is growing up. Warren Buffett once said that any nasty letter that needs to be sent can still be sent tomorrow, which means give yourself a breath gather your thoughts and start to make rational decisions.
Before I hit 30 I didn’t make rational decisions at all, in fact I would say I was in the complete opposite camp. Something would piss me off and I would be gone, to the point where one time at my old job I was so angry I calculated how many hours I would have to work retail at minimum wage to quit my job. Luckily there would need to be an addition 6 hours in the day for this to even be possible, and hopefully the store is open all 30 hours and I get to work all 7 days for all 30 hours. Now I realize that life has a way of giving you what you need. It’s crazy but everything will work out for a reason, we as humans just don’t have the patience sometimes to see that reason through. The second part of that is you have to realize when the world is giving you something and take it, don’t just stand idly by. A great story on this is a tale where a guy is stranded on a raft in the middle of the ocean and a ship comes by asking him if he needs help, he refuses saying ‘god will help me’. Then a Navy cruiser comes by and asks the guy if he needs help, again he refuses saying that god will help him. Finally the Coast Guard is above him in a helicopter asking if he needs help, like before he refuses saying god will help him. The guy on the raft eventually dies and when he gets to heaven he goes to god, “I had such faith in you that you would save me and yet you just left me out there to die” to which god replies “I sent you a ship, the navy and the coast guard, what more did you need?”.
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With growing up and getting old you also get more self esteem. I can remember a few years back, where if I didn’t think other people thought I looked good I would rather stay in for the night than go out with my friends. Now I have the opposite, if I feel comfortable then screw everyone else, I’m going out. I have enough quality people in my life that I don’t need to be validated by some stranger. I realize that when people say nasty things about you or to you it is one of two reasons, they are awful human beings and aren’t nice to anything or anyone or they are taking their own insecurities and projecting them onto you. It’s normally the latter. Did the boyfriend really want me to pick up and move across the country? I highly doubt it, but my uneasiness in my situation made him uncomfortable so instead of saying “I know how you feel” he projected his insecurities about me leaving and said fine move and have a great time doing it.
The confidence I have gotten simply by growing older and knowing more about myself is amazing, even with sex! (sorry mama, feel free to skip this paragraph) Before I would just be a participant sometimes it was good and sometimes I would rather be watching late night TV. Now if something isn’t gelling then forget it, I’m vocal about it. That is something that takes a lot of confidence not only in yourself but in the partner you choose, letting you know that it is a two way street.
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Also taking a look at yourself and how you can improve yourself is something that comes with maturity. I know some people who think they are perfect and others should conform to them. That isn’t realistic though, what you need to do is look at yourself and ask yourself how you can be the best you in that situation. I’m learning that when someone says I do something that I don’t agree with instead of listing off the reasons why I think they are wrong, LISTEN to what they are saying and then respond to that. So I might not agree, I don’t have to agree, but I can say “ I hear what you are saying and I’m sorry I made you feel that way”. Crazy right? The more I grow up the more I realize that I can’t deal with the people who are too self absorbed and the less I want them in my life. I’m over fighting with people, I just don’t like doing it.

Ok this is getting a tad wordy, but the point I have been trying to make is growing older and growing up has really changed who I am as a person. I know what I want and I know what I need, whether it is long term or in that second to make it through the next minute. Everything is not smooth sailing by any stretch of the imagination, but I know that I will survive this and I will get in the end what I truly need, if I have the courage to take it. 

With that my fellow blog friends I wish you a wonderful weekend. In less than 12 hours I will be having dinner with Miss Mia and Miss Allie and CANNOT FREAKING WAIT!!! 

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