Yesterday was just another day. Nothing really exciting happened at work, I had leftovers from here for lunch and then I went to the gym and ran 4 miles. This morning I got up with a pounding headache and nauseous stomach so I skipped the gym again. The boyfriend was super supportive and even said “do you want me to push you to go” but not when I couldn’t stand without my head hammering. I know I’m just stressed about the whole weekend, I’m worried for my friend that everything won’t be exactly as imagined, I’m worried I’ll do something wrong, I’m worried that it won’t be 100% perfect which is what I want for her. The best I can do though is just help her have an amazing day and celebrate some of my favorite people coming together. I love you E and am so happy for you!
Since no gym this morning it was a healthy breakfast, but quite delicious since someone in the office brought in a edible arrangement. Nothing better than fruit on a stick!!
So today’s topic that has been on my mind is a tad different, what is the difference between emotional weight and physical weight? Can you lose emotional weight, and can emotional weight actually cause you to have physical weight? The answer to both of these questions is yes, you can in fact lose your emotional weight and yes, emotional weight can actually contribute to physical weight. So let’s get down to it, what is emotional weight you ask? That is the weight of something that just hangs around and keeps you from being the best person you can be. No I’m not getting into the fluffy stuff nor am I going to start spewing facts about third eyes and what not. If you believe in that kind of stuff then that is your right, I don’t so if you were looking for that I would a keep on looking cause this isn’t your blog post. Emotional weight is, like you probably have guessed from what it is called, the weight of your emotions on you.
What does that really mean? The best example I have is when you have to tell someone something that you don’t want to tell them. For example, say you have to tell a loved one you did something that will hurt them, or you know of something that will hurt them but feel they need to know still. It makes you sick when you are thinking about it, you are tense so your shoulders are probably tense, or you are irritable to other people due to the fact that it is on your mind. The second you tell them though you feel as though you were pounds lighter, you aren’t irritable anymore and you aren’t tense or terse thinking about how the situation is going to play out. That is emotional weight.
I come from a split home so I have lived with emotional weight most of my life. Trying to please both parents when I was younger was exhausting. You love them both so you don’t want to hurt either one of them, this learned skill of pleasing people has followed me into my adult life. I’ll often commit to things because I want other people to be happy. I will overextend myself to the point of becoming rundown and tired because I am trying to do something. The boyfriend pointed this out awhile ago when I was in the kitchen stressing about something and he comes in and simply says “you’ve done more than you need to, just relax”.
The major drawback from this is I get hurt very easily. When I’m trying to please everyone and someone says a mean comment to me out of left field it hurts me more than it would the normal person. Recently someone made a comment to me and I spoke with my girlfriends about it and every one of them said to let it go, I spoke to one particular girlfriend who knows me well and she told me that I don’t need that negativity in my life so just let the person go and don’t think twice. Emotional weight doesn’t allow me to do this though, going back and forth with the “well how long have we been friends and maybe they were just having a bad moment” to stuff like “I wonder how long they have actually felt that way” In the end I did just what my friends suggested I let it go and I let that person go. Perhaps some day I’ll let that person know that they hurt me, perhaps that will be an emotional weight that will be lifted and I won’t need to think about it anymore.
Ok so now I’ve told you what I think emotional weight is and how it has affected me psychologically, but how about physically. For a very long time I have had an unhealthy relationship with food and that is partially due to my emotions. I’m not one to eat when I am sad or depressed though, food doesn’t fill a void with me where I think something is missing. I’m the opposite, food is eaten as a celebration and when I’m happy or feeling particularly celebratory food comes into play. Some people have the opposite effect so the more emotional weight they have the more physical weight they gain, I’m the opposite though. So when it’s all going gravy in my world the weight comes on.
There is the thought that food should be viewed as something that’s sole purpose is to fuel your body, but if that were the case then why did cake get invented?! CELEBRATIONS!!! I cannot remove the fact that food and celebrations come hand in hand. I feel happy, I eat! The goal for me going forward with my life is to remove the emotional weight and baggage but not replace it with physical weight due to the fact I’m feeling better.
Little heavy for Friday but I have to admit I feel better after writing about it, mini weight lifted!!
I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend, look for some awesome pictures on Monday capturing two of my best friends tying the knot!