Ok so this morning’s post was a little Debbie Downer (sorry if your name is Debbie!) But I wasn’t having a good morning and I use this blog to release everything that is going on in my head. A little more background on why weight is so important to me though. Back in 2005 I had just graduated college and moved into my own apartment with a fantastic roommate, I was also scheduled to be in a wedding a year from that point, so when I had to go and get my measurements done I was floored when the lady told me I was going to be a size 14? What did she mean I was going to be a size 14?!? I had never had anything over a 10, yet as I learned very quickly that was an “American” 10. Still in semi denial I decided I was going to check out weight watchers, surely they would greet me at the door and say “sorry you don’t need to lose anything, you are a perfect weight that dress lady was wrong.” So imagine my shock when I weighed in and then talked to a consultant to find out I could lose up to 40 pounds and still be in the correct weight range. 40 pounds?! So I started my journey and a few months later I was down 30 pounds. I felt fantastic, I went from 160 to 130 and everything felt awesome. I was more secure in relationships and I was eating foods in the right amount. Fast forward 8 years later and I have let most of that weight creep back on which really disappoints me. I can point to ways that I have let it come on though, the first one being binge eating.
What is the difference between eating mass quantities of food and binging? Eating mass quantities of food that tastes good is different from binging in my opinion because when I eat lots of food I taste what I’m eating and I enjoy what I’m eating. Binging I”m eating to eat, and a perfect example is about a month ago when the boyfriend made tacos and I probably ate over a pound of meat while eating around 8 tacos. I couldn’t taste those tacos, I was just eating them to eat them. The first two were good but the last 6 were just shoveled into my mouth.
Eating dessert is another thing that is getting me into trouble. I have been having more and more dessert which is something I didn’t grow up on and while on weight watchers I would never use the points for dessert items. I don’t need them, I’m not hungry and honestly unless it is something I get on girls night out it really isn’t worth it. Yet I find myself after dinner looking for something sweet and like the tacos most of the time I don’t even taste what I’m eating, I’m just having it because dessert sounded like a good idea.
Lunches from the cafe and not made at home are another area where I get tripped up. Back when I worked for Ocean Spray I was broke so I always brought lunch from home. It was so much cheaper and I could always control the portions and points of what I was eating. When I started at ABI no one brought their lunch, everyone went downstairs and it was considered part of the group if you joined in. Now with a change in management people hardly do that anymore and often I find it is just my coworker and I eating together. He could care less if I brought stuff in from home so going forward that is something I’m going to do.
I’m a strong person, I have a great workout routine already, I just need to stop the mindless eating so I can feel good about my image again. I know the steps, I have the tools I just need to incorporate all that I know and use to do. I know when I do it will be better for me as a person, me as a coworker, me as a girlfriend and most importantly my mental state.